Valentine's Day: A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing "Love" stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them.
His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he is doing.
The man says "I`m sending out 1,000 Valentine cards signed, `Guess who?`"
"But why?" asks the man.
"I`m a divorce lawyer," the man replies.
Itemized statement: A client who felt his legal bill was too high asked his lawyer to itemize costs. The statement included this item:
"Was walking down the street and saw you on the other side. Walked to the corner to cross at the light, crossed the street and walked quickly to catch up with you. Got close and saw it wasn't you. --- $50.00."
New trial: The day after a verdict had been entered against his client, the lawyer rushed to the judge's chambers, demanding that the case be reopened, saying: "I have new evidence that makes a huge difference in my client's defense."
The judge asked, "What new evidence could you have?"
The lawyer replied, "My client has an extra $10,000, and I just found out about it!"
Golfer:: A golfer hooked his tee shot over a hill and onto the next fairway. Walking toward his ball, he saw a man lying on the ground, groaning with pain.
"I'm an attorney," the wincing man said, "and this is going to cost you $5,000."
"I'm sorry, I'm really sorry," the concerned golfer replied. "But I did yell 'fore'."
"I'll take it," the attorney said.