Happy Holidays!

The Madison County Record Dec. 25, 2004, 6:42am

The very best 'generic' holiday greeting to you and yours!

To whom it may concern:

Please accept with no obligation, expressed or implicit, our best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low stress, non-addictive, gender neutral, celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasions and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all; and a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling, and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2005, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make America great, (not to imply that America is necessarily greater than any other country or is the only "America" in the western hemisphere), and without regard to the race, creed, color, age, gender, physical ability, religious faith, or sexual orientation of the wishee.

NOTE: By accepting this greeting, you are accepting the aforementioned terms.

This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal. It is freely transferable with no alteration to the original greeting. It implies no promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes for her/him or others, is void where prohibited by law, and is revocable at the sole discretion of the wisher. This wish is warranted to perform as expected within the usual application of good tidings for a period of one year, or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting (whichever comes first), and warranty is limited to replacement of this wish or issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the wisher. Member FDIC, some assembly required, batteries sold separately, professional driver on a closed track (do not attempt this at home), your mileage may vary, and no animals were harmed in the making of this greeting.

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