Poor Gordon Maag,
Supporting himself’s a drag!
It’s beyond his endurance
To pay for insurance:
He’d rather have us hold the bag.
Ah yes, poor Gordon Maag! He hasn’t fed at the public trough long enough. We the taxpayers should be happy to support him in his retirement in the manner to which he’s become accustomed at our expense. Why should a superior being like the judge have to spend his own money as most of us do? Let us supply his every need, free of charge.
How about a new wardrobe of thousand-dollar suits every year? Would you like that, Judge? Free limo service? It would be undignified for a person of your eminence to have to drive yourself.
Maybe a condo in the Caribbean, so you won’t be discomforted in your golden years by our harsh Illinois winters? A pleasure craft? Free internet, free concierge service, and a foil-wrapped chocolate mint on your pillowcase every night? Can we get you anything else, your highness?
In your dreams, your honor. It’s not happening. You can forget about free health insurance, too. From now on, you’re going to have to pay for it yourself – or some portion of it, anyway -- just like the rest of us.
Yeah, yeah, you’re appealing the decision that came down this week, dismissing your challenge of the state law requiring you and other state retirees to pay your own premiums for health insurance. Good luck with that.
Go ahead and waste your money on that lawsuit. It won’t do you any good. The decision will be upheld. We guarantee it.
And here’s why: We’ve had it with guys like you, never missing a chance to feather your nests and further your own interests when you’re supposed to be serving the public.
So, your honor, you get to keep the pension, which probably is more than you deserve, but that’s it. That’s the last gimme you’re getting.