Dispatches from 'Madiganistan'

By The Madison County Record | Sep 22, 2014

To the Editor:

Reporter John Kass of the Chicago Tribune wrote; "Wind swept Madiganistan, that economic wasteland, once known as Illinois, is in absolute ruins."

The following statistics support Kass’s viewpoint. Madiganistan, once part of the "new world" lands coveted by European  empires  is a province in the country known as the United States. Once an economic powerhouse, the state is a pale shadow of its former self. Illinois is run by the provincial governor, or "Caliph," Pat Quinn and Grand Vizier of the Legislature named Michael Madigan for which Madiganistan is named, are supported by a Chicago based super majority of the ‘Blue’ or Democratic Party. Current economic statistics tell the story of mismanagement. Therefore, investment isn’t advised at this time.

Official statistics from government agencies provided below tell a grim story of decline. Madiganistan ranks 50th (last place) in economic climate and consistently pays its bills late. In fact, a litigious court environment drives businesses away. Young people flee the state in record number searching for work while small businesses leave taking their jobs with them. Madiganstan’s credit rating has gone down 13 times during Royal Pumbah Pat Quinn’s tenure. Many U.S. investment firms will not purchase Madiganistani bonds for fear they will lose potential investors when they see Illinois bonds in their company’s portfolio.

After Caliph Quinn’s 2011  huge 56% tax hike the newly elected Grand Pumbah promised to pay off bills, create jobs, and reduce state’s unfunded pension liability. His tax hike failed to accomplish any of these goals. Instead, Madiganistan now boasts $7 billion in back bills and a $100 billion unfunded pension liability.  However, since 2011 figures show an additional 244,000 more citizens have gone on food stamps. The provincial government knows how to produce entitlements but not jobs.

Critics charge environmentalists from the left wing of the Blue Party influenced the province’s government to block coal production, eliminate coal plants, deny oil fracking permits, thus costing Madiganistan tens of thousands of jobs. In addition, critics note the state’s economic weakness seems epitomized by 46,000 citizens leaving the work force in June through August 2014. The percentage of work force participation is now less than 63%. In 2014, Illinois was the only Midwestern state to show a net loss of jobs. Worse yet, of the 130,000 jobs produced since 2011 60% are part time. There are fewer jobs in the province than a decade ago!

According to a recent Southern Illinois University and University of Illinois at Chicago studies, Madiganistan ranks third in corruption of the 50 new world American provinces.  One source estimates the state suffers a loss of $16 billion per year due to corruption. This amounts to a corruption tax of $1,308  per person. Criminologists note four of the last seven Madiganistani Governors have done time.  The Madiganistanis frequently joke: “Illinois, the only state where the governor makes your license plate.” The government’s reputation for cronyism and corruption does little to inspire confidence and jaundices business opportunities.

A recent Gallup poll conducted revealed 25% of Illinois citizens think it is the worst American province to live in. Additionally, the Gallup Poll found only 28%  have trust in their province’s government. Given the poor economic record and corruption, investment isn’t recommended until Madiganistan enjoys a regime change.

Philip W. Chapman



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