Mama mia, that's a slippery speed bump

The Madison County Record Sep. 8, 2012, 12:00pm

When they say you're damned if you do and damned if you don't, they're not kidding.

Take speed bumps, for instance. If you don't install them in your parking lot and somebody gets hit by a car in front of your store, restaurant, or business, you're liable to be sued for neglecting to put them in. If you do install them and a customer trips on one, you're liable to be sued for not making them pedestrian-safe.

Speed bumps would be more noticeable if they were higher, of course, but then motorists driving over them might damage their front ends or tailpipes and sue for that.

Speed bumps, no speed bumps? It doesn't matter which you choose if you lose either way. Ask the owners of Ravanelli's. They'll tell you.

Joseph Schreiber matched wits with a speed bump in the parking lot of Ravanelli's in Granite City earlier this year. He lost the match, and now he's suing.

According to the suit filed in Madison County Circuit Court, "Plaintiff Joseph Schreiber had parked his vehicle in the parking lot and was walking toward the front door of the restaurant when he tripped/slipped and fell on the speed bump."

Schreiber seems to be more meticulous about what he means than in how he meanders, writing better than walking.

That would explain the "tripped/slipped" locution. Apparently, the physical phenomenon he experienced was not quite a trip, but not exactly a slip either. It was a "trip/slip," if you get the distinction.

It's too bad Schreiber tripped/slipped on the way in. If he'd tripped/slipped on the way out, he'd have had a chance to enjoy toasted ravioli, baked rigatoni, an Italian beef sandwich, St. Louis-style pizza, pressure-fried chicken, or one of the signature steak and seafood dishes Ravanelli's has been serving to the Metro East for almost 50 years.

You might miss out, too, if you don't get to Ravanelli's before the speed bump bandits put the restaurant business in jeopardy.

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