A super frivolous filing

The Madison County Record Mar. 7, 2010, 2:52am

"Your Honor, the commercial repeatedly asserted that there were two mints in one – a breath mint and a candy mint -- but fluoroscopic analysis reveals there is, in fact, only one mint. Imagine my clients' disillusionment and distress when they realized that they had been fraudulently deprived of a second mint!" -- a theoretical argument.

Yes, the famous mint in question is a single mint with a dual purpose, but no one has ever sued the manufacturer for blatant misrepresentation, or even for reckless hyperbole. Not yet, anyway.

Perhaps Ronald Williams and Jennifer Clayton might strike another blow for truth, justice, and the American way after they finish exposing the wimpy Blimpie.

Represented by two crusading attorneys from LakinChapman in Wood River, the Madison County residents have filed a putative class action suit charging that Blimpie's select subs do not contain the double portions of meat the company's advertising promises. They say the plaintiffs are seeking unspecified damages but one could buy a truckload of gigantic subs with a few thousand dollars.

Blimpie regulars, Williams and Clayton have ordered and consumed the "Super Stacked" turkey and bacon sandwich numerous times, according to the suit. Only recently, however, did they detect an apparent deficiency in the advertised meat allotment. Instead of complaining to management, they proceeded directly to court.

In their suit, the sandwich sleuths acknowledge that Blimpie's does not have a regular turkey and bacon sandwich, making it impossible to authenticate the doubling of meat. Nevertheless, they contend the sandwich in question has less than double the meat of other turkey sandwiches on the Blimpie's menu. They also point out that the amount of protein in all "Super Stacked" sandwiches is not double that of the regular versions.

A company spokeswoman insists the "Super Stacked" subs do have twice the meat, but not twice the protein because bread and other ingredients that contain protein are not doubled.

Does any of this sound like the type of legal struggle one would expect to find in a courthouse of justice paid for by your tax dollars?

Surely there ought to be an appropriate penalty for those filing a lawsuit as frivolous as this one appears to be. For Williams and Clayton and their two champions of the rule of law, it should be "Super Stacked."

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